when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
