hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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