I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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