I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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