i already hear my dad disowning me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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