I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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