i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
