There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
