Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
