Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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