So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
