like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize