Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
