She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
