Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
