around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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