Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
