Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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