I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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