Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
