I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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