When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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