3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i think i just lost a toe
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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