My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
