my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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