WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize