Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
