is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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