I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
