This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We have started to decorate penises.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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