so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
