Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
