why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
