I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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