I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
