i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
