I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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