Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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