you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
