david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
