You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
