wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
