they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
