and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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