Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
