I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
