Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
