So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
