That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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