there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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