Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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