U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
