Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm just crazy horny about you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
