grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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