"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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