I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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