but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
