Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize