ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
