so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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