Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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