Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
