Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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