great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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