There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize