I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
