I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
