when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
