At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My bed smells like the plague
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
