It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
