i already hear my dad disowning me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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