what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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