so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
