just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
