2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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