allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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